Not familiar with Eternal Earth-Bound Pets? Neither was I until yesterday. While scanning Twitter a tweet caught my eye. “Caring for pets left behind by the Rapture” It was just so irresistable to me that I *had* to click on the link. What I discovered was pure comedy gold!
First of all, I’d just like to say that I am a bonafide amoral, unethical atheist. I unwillingly spent the first 18 years of my life as a Christian. When I attended university and learned to think for myself, I came to the very logical conclusion that ALL religions are bullshit and that atheism was the way to go. So don’t go thinking that I have a hard on for bashing the Christian religion. Every religion is fair game in my books and this website just begs for a little criticism.
For those of you that are not familiar with what The Rapture is, let me explain. Christians believe that there will be a Second Coming of Christ, but how it happens can vary. This Second Coming of Christ will occur in stages. First, He will remove all Christians from the earth, alien abduction style, to protect them. Then there will be a Tribulation phase where sinners can repent and God will judge who is worthy to go to heaven. The end of the Tribulation phase results with the entire world attacking Israel, for some reason, and the earth being destroyed. Yes, Some Christians believe that this is *real* and will happen in the near future.
So here is the good Christians dilemma. During the Tribulation phase, who will take care of all those abandoned doggies and kitties of all the Christians that were Raptured up to Heaven? With the final Tribulation coming, the pets don’t have much time on earth, but someone has to take care of them, right?
This is where Eternal Earth-Bound Pets comes to the rescue! Their motto is “The Next Best Thing To Pet Salvation in a Post Rapture World” They are an organization of sworn atheists that will adopt and care for your pet in case of Rapture. If you think that they’re doing it because they’re nice guys, they’re not. The fee for post Rapture pet care is $110 USD . This ensures that if the Rapture happens within 10 years of you signing your contract, your pet will be cared for and you can start enjoying your heavenly afterlife worry free.
And the comedy gold that I mentioned? Check out the FAQ section. There are some real pissers there. The best one is the first question of “Is This A Joke?” If you’re seriously considering using this service it is, douche bag!
So I take my hat of to Bart Center, The founder of Eternal Earth-Bound Pets. Getting money for nothing really requires some skill and creative thinking. Maybe I should apply to become a post Rapture animal caretaker, there are none in Canada yet.
Tags: Post Rapture Pet Care, The Rapture
Could non-athiests sign up for this? SOOOO funny! I especially like the next ten years part! Like anybody could even know when it would happen! The really funny thing is there are probably people signing their pets up as we speak!
Well, if you’re a Christian, I don’t think so. Even if you think that you’re not the ideal Christian, God might rapture you up to heaven anyways and then your pet charges are SOL. If you’re Muslin, Jewish, Sikh or Hindu, maybe.
Now here is an idea I wish I had had …
Like PT Barnum said, there’s a sucker born every minute! HAR HAR
This really is priceless. What will someone think of next?
LOL! What people don’t think of, huh?
This came out in an article in our newspaper just week before last. Stated that there was over 100 participants and the area of coverage I remember as being quite large.